Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years Resolutions

Here are my new years resolutions

- To be fully aware of what is real and what is not.

- To be more accepting of criticism.

- To become stronger : physically

-To be able to stay true to what I know is right.

Nice and broad,detailed aims really don't push my buttons, so to speak.

There are no walls

Slowly I felt that my old life was crumpling away. First the separation will just be physical, and then experience predicts that physical distance will progress into emotional distance. You will become something removed from my present, just another of my countless memories.

It is as if the walls that I lived with were being deconstructed brick by brick. How should one react? Either as an emancipated prisoner or as a naked child? Are these walls trapping us from living or are they protecting us from the “real” world?

The truth is that the walls neither protect nor imprison, however thy do protect and/or imprison. You see, these walls are not physical, therefore. They do not exist. However they are constructed by the mind. The mind perceives and judges the physical and is the precursor to human actions. Therefore, if the walls are built by the mind that we use to interpret our daily lives, does this not constitute its reality? If one can understand the apparent contradiction, then one has a true grasp of life.

We have a choice to decide how to live our life, with or without restrictions, built by the mind. A baby is unbounded by the mind and is pluripotent – the possibilities of the life of this baby is only bounded by the physical restrictions of being a human. However as the baby matures, the mind starts to take over, molded by the adult world.

When one consumes alcohol, most will experience a euphoric feeling. How can this be? Ethanol, a drug that is a depressant (reduces the ability to function) produce such an effect. It is because it impairs the mind, removing the bars that restrict our life. However intoxicants also unable one to use their minds, so neither they nor their minds are in control.You are in full control. Do you choose to live with mental restrictions? Or do you wish to live free? Messiahs have come and gone preaching this, do you wish to wait longer or act now?

Don’t be free, live free.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Goals: Update

Seems like I made these only a couple of months ago, lets see how I've done:
Learn how to:

1. Walk on a swiss ball nope
2. To do a back flip nope
3. To do a font flip lol nope
4. Tie a tie lol, sorta, I can do full windsor and simple single tie but sometimes need a reminder...
5. Ride a skateboard kinda


1. My restricted lol YES!
2. NCEA level 3 E Certificate lol (very unlikely) Very unlikely

MUST understand, speak and be able to read and write a little bit, no more I can't bullsh*t. Im honestly cant take any more of it, nothing brings me down more than being voiceless in my mother tongue x(...................... No improvement LOL!

sigh..... Im sure i've left something out, what do you guys think?

1. Grow taller Win
2. Get my full Impossible but no
3. Get stronger. Win
4. Juggling Nope
5. Become a better cook I think I've improved a bit
6. Learn how to play black jack nope
7. Learn how to sing and rap I will always sing and rap along with my ipod in private! =)
8. Learn Sinhala sign language Nope! Do we even have a sign Language
9. Learn how to complete a rubix cube Hell no
10. Learn first aid. Nope

8/18 ><" I still have 5 months though!

Monday, December 14, 2009


On Sunday (yesterday) I had a lesson in helplessness, it all started when I went to field archery practice all the way out in Tai Tapu. I turned into the station and I followed the car in front of me where all the other cars were parked for the field archery, there wasn't even a gravel road, just tyre tracks that had been followed by many cars before. Anyway I get to near the car park and there were no parks for me or the car in front of me, so he started reversing. I was right on his tail cause, as you know I’m a speed-freak when I want a thrill, anyway so I had to reverse and I went back down the path until suddenly the front wheel slipped off something and was hanging in mid air.

Opps, I didn't see that ledge, it was all covered in grass and it all looked the same ><'. I had the three other wheels on the ground, so I tried to rev the engine in reverse, it didn't move, first gear was not any better. I was stuck! ><', I was in control of a machine that was fixed in place, How could I do this? I’m meant to be... infallible It may sound arrogant but it is the truth, how could I failed so epically! Luckily for me one of the bow hunter club people was all to happy to give me a tow, I decided for Dad to do the driving from then on. Then from all the 4WDs there in the car park, it was the guy with the weakest one who saw me in trouble, so he failed to move the car in the first try, then my coach saw me… laughed and sent all the boys in my club to help give a push (my alphas (= ) anyway with 6 guys pushing and the 4WD we managed to push the car to safety. Phew!

But seriously it brought to my attention, how much I dislike asking for help, its like I don’t want to be a burden on people and I want to be totally independent. Its almost like I feel that others would see me as inferior if I stuff up and need help, I’m so used to being the one with all the answers. I know its not right to feel this way, but I think we should be open about the way we feel because it will help us find a solution to our issues.

Thank god

God talk with angels
Originally uploaded by Lucas Janin
After wetting me and subjecting me to cold wind, its good to know that you still want to save my life, you must love me.

Thank you god!!!!!



This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Monday, December 7, 2009


110 around the s-bend, he is speeding, no one knows what the rush is, except he who controls the car. Is he desperately trying to escape or is he urgently trying to obtain something? Is it both? Is it none? Is it the fact his adrenal glands respond to the thrill? Or is it more? Is it something in the road? the tires? the engine? the centripetal force? The fast ones die, they say, are you staring at one that has no fear of death?
He speeds to obtain a certain level of concentration, where only the car and the road in front of him are of existence. If he fails to do so is mind will overtake him and consume him with worrying and crippling thoughts. He speeds to escape from life, he speeds to live. The freedom ends, when he renters the city…